In Whistler’s 60th year, Ski Canada co-editor Lori Knowles reacquaints herself with the ski town, one lift, one run, and one walk through the village at a time.
Hey, Whistler! I spent the holidays watching you. In the gondy lines. In the crowds outside the Roundhouse and the Rendezvous. On the Peak2Peak travelling across Fitzsimmons Creek. Guess what? I’m locked in. I know your type.
Here’s a list of the more notable Whistler skier types. How do you identify? Which Whistler skier are you?
The Arc’Derek
He paid $4,480.95 plus tax for the same multi-layered, empirically grounded, waterproof-yet-breathable, PFAS-free, sustainable ski suit only 1,572 other dudes in Whistler Bowl are wearing today. You too can get in on the trend. Just use up a mortgage payment to buy the identical suit in any colour—as long as it’s black.
The Tinkie Winkie
He’s logged 8,760 hours on his GoPro and hasn’t viewed a single minute. But his 360-degree footage is sick: you can watch him cut you off in Ego Bowl from every conceivable angle. So dope.
The Silver Surfers
They’ve liquidated their retirement portfolios, bought the Rivian, the Zai Saint Laurent skis and the silver lamay puffies. Now, dammit Janet, they’re gonna ski one run on 7th and spend the rest of the afternoon sipping Coronas in Seppo’s. Crank up the Steely Dan…wait, too loud, turn it down man, turn it way down.
The Epic-urean
So far, Vivian and her private ski pro, Pedro from Portillo, have toured Vail, Park City and Andermatt-Sedrun-Disentis on their Epic Passes—finally, they’re in Whistler. Pedro carried her skis up Spanky’s Ladder today and she stem-christied down the face—so, that was fun. She’s just popped into Can-Ski to purchase Fubukis to match her Birkin, then it’s off to the Scandinave for a soak and some breathwork to help realign her chakras.
The New Waves
As Gen Alphas, they’re hip to the new wave: Tokin micro-cameras to catch spins in the park, HD audio helmet speakers with glove-friendly controls, and snow pants so wide they lose wi-fi inside (which is mid, but also low-key slay).
The Jersey Boyz
Yeah! Their team made the playoffs and they’re gonna make sure every skier on Easy Out knows it. “LET’S GOOOOO!”
The Clueless
The nice boy in the My Epic Gear shop set her up with a sweet pair of Black Crows (106 under foot) for her beginner lesson on Magic Chair. He offered no tips on how to wear her new goggles ($430), but no matter. A nice man named Jerry on the Gram gave her lots of likes and laughing-face emojis, so she’ll be back to post more tomorrow. Such fun!
The Strafer
That’s him straightlining down The Saddle so far back he’s hangin’ onto the trailer hitch. He’s the worst, most confident skier on the mountain. ’Nuff said.
Only in Whistler.
More Dispatches from Whistler in two weeks. Stay tuned.
